The annual family glow up is here and it’s not the one.
Dad has really understood the assignment tbf. He’s been through that shed like a cop scoping for clues to a cold case.
Or a murderer trying to hide them.
Either way, it’s not good vibes. And Mum? She just obsesses over dancing chickens. She’s binned caffeine. Again, not good vibes.
Us? Well, we want in on the freshen up. But where it matters most: work.
“But we’re sick of the modern workplace: children in suits pretending to like coffee, chatting meal prep, leg day gains, crypto, walking about in loafers with no socks.”
Every day starts like this as the inbox gives zero feels and the DO THIS NOW list is pure ick:
But the boss wants energy: Aaaaaand we’ve got nothing.
But we’re sick of getting legged by bumfluff bosses: children in suits pretending to like coffee, chatting meal prep, leg day gains, crypto, walking about in loafers with no socks.
In work, everyone talks in riddles
“Circle back round” is it? Nah. This is a finance meeting, no one’s flying planes here. They invent names for things that don’t exist and if they do, maybe they shouldn’t.
Scrum masters. (Nope, no idea)
People who say they’re on a “sprint” (That’s just loads of work done in a mad timeframe).
Penetration testers? (Pretty sure that’s illegal).
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Mate, don’t think so. It’s time to Ctrl. Alt. Delete. the work opps.
So what’s the fix?
Well, find your work spirit animal. Someone legit. Maybe…
A bestie with the chat. Someone who can turn a meeting into a playground for thoughts, prayers, er, lyrics?
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That legend who’s got you when it comes to the hot goss?
Choose wisely. And remember:
We’re not all about the grindset mindset.
We’re not gilet dons.
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If you’re asking us, every meeting could have been an email, bro.
Make it so.
