When it comes to Sports Day, I am a machine.
I mean, have you been around other Mums? There’s a level of respect there, for sure. Most of us have been through the physical hellfire that is childbirth, for starters.
“Scratch beneath the veneer of picking up time pleasantries at the school gate, and there is a seething rage boiling.”
But scratch beneath the veneer of picking up time pleasantries, and there is a seething rage boiling.
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These women and their awful children need to be taught a lesson. So we limber up and iron our lycra: preparation begins.
Prepping for the day
First up: I need to get myself physically right. That means good behaviour, you know, when it comes to snacks.
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Next: Analyse the opposition.
Who is committed to yoga, but neglects strength work. That’s a weakness right there. Pray on it.
Who is a former Olympic Champion? Because that’s a definite threat. Consider legal action to prevent this from happening on Sports Day. It’s about the kids, remember?
Finally: mind games.
We need our fellow Mums to believe us when we say we’re not taking it seriously, we haven’t rung the school 14 times to check the date, start time, programme of events and confirmed list of parental participants. They haven’t got one? They should. If not, What’s App everyone.
Lull them into a false sense of security.
Crucially, when it comes to the big day, go out there and enjoy yourself, cheer your kids on, and never, ever, take it too far. I mean, I’d never do that. Honest.
