The preamble
Maybe the middle shows signs of a little thickening.
Maybe the hair lacks a certain “volume”.
Maybe the eyebrows flash a dash of gray these days.
Maybe.
But you know what? Rewind to a time not so long ago – let’s call it the late 1990s. Google them. – I was something of a catch. You could call me a lady’s man.
For I smelt like rich mahogany. I dressed to kill. I cut a jib so fine that some say the phrase “cuts a fine jib” was, in fact, invented for me.
“Back then I was winning hearts, minds and landline numbers scribbled hastily down on loo roll in night spots called things like Volts, Euphoria or Faces.”
Back then…
You could find me at the bar or on the dancefloor, simply dazzling the ladies with my flammable gelled hair, wide-legged jeans and smooth chit chat. I was winning hearts, minds and landline numbers scribbled hastily down on loo roll in night spots called things like Volts, Euphoria or Faces.
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Oh yes. I wasn’t just the hors d’oeuvres. I was the main dish, the dessert, and I picked up the bill, too. That’s right. I knew how to woo.
It’s how I won the heart of my lovely wife. I simply offered her a vision of an incredible future together. She was blown away by my banter. Swept off her feet by my worldly ways. Won over by the promise of a future of never-ending fun and good times.
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What can I say?
You want the sparks to spark? Here’s 5 things you need to do:
1. Ask questions
Example: What’s your 3rd favourite colour? What did you do 2 Sunday’s ago?
2. Have facts
Capitals of Europe, WW2 trivia, interesting bits on the Hadron Collider. That type of stuff.
3. Maintain eye contact at all times.
If possible, never, ever blink.
4. Reveal a truth about yourself
Then cry about it. If possible, make this about your first pet.
5. Never, EVER wear sockless loafers.
Good luck out there.
